Wins Contract to Reconstruct Cheney's Reputation
highway adopted by Halliburton.
At $42 Billion, Largest Contract of
its Kind, Company Says
The Halliburton Company announced today that it had won a $42 billion no-bid
contract from the U.S. government to reconstruct the reputation of Vice
President Dick Cheney.
While Halliburton has been known for massive reconstruction projects in such
war-torn nations as Iraq, the $42 billion contract represents the first time
that the company has been employed to put its reconstruction expertise to
work on one embattled human being.
At the White House, spokesman Scott McClellan defended the $42 billion price
tag for the reconstruction effort, telling reporters, "Given how much work
Dick Cheney's reputation is going to take to rebuild, at the end of the day
that $42 billion contract is going to look like a bargain."
Mr. McClellan likened the state of Mr. Cheney's reputation to conditions on
the ground in Iraq, "only worse."
But even as Halliburton began gearing up for the daunting task of reconstructing the vice president's reputation, an unlikely critic of the
plan, Speaker of the House Dennis Hastert (R-Ill), questioned the wisdom of
even attempting to rebuild Dick Cheney.
Rep. Hastert said that based on what he had seen of Dick Cheney's reputation
in recent days, it reminded him of the city of New Orleans after Hurricane
Katrina, making him wonder whether the vice president could be rebuilt at
"It looks like a lot of Dick Cheney could be bulldozed," Rep. Hastert said.
Elsewhere, breaking with a longstanding tradition set by his predecessor,
Alan Greenspan, Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke delivered his first
economic report to Congress in English.
Reprinted with the permission of Andy